There's this song that I have liked for the past couple of years. The main line that sticks out to me is this: "Now that I have seen, I am responsible." (Albertine, by Brooke Fraser) The song is talking about seeing poverty and death and the hurts of this world. In response to seeing those things, Brooke Fraser feels responsible. Responsible to tell the world and stand up for what she has seen. In the past I have agreed with her and felt that same burden. But for some reason the past couple weeks I have been fighting with that statement. I've been thinking things like, "Why, God, did you choose me to see? Why do I hold this responsibility? Why couldn't I be blind to these things and live a normal simple life?"
I really haven't begun to comprehend these past seven months, but one thing I do know is that it has been HARD. Giving up things for the Lord isn't some glorious easy cake walk. I think I always thought it was decently easy. In my missions experience I got glimpses of the hardness, but I never really had to give anything up to follow the Lord. I know what I've given up doesn't compare to the stories of many Christians around the world, but it has taught me a lot. Being out of the U.S for four months, constantly serving and giving myself, was a lot harder than I expected. The past few weeks I've been at a point of surrender. I feel exhausted, I can't imagine serving more and I'm almost ready to say "okay time for a break from the God part of life! I don't want to see anymore. I don't want to feel responsible anymore."
This morning, as I was crying out to the Lord, an overwhelming conviction came into my heart. I AM BLESSED. I am blessed to be chosen by the Lord for this. I am blessed to have held the dirty hands and kissed sticky cheeks. I am blessed to know the stories of broken women. I am blessed to have walked down poverty stricken streets and seen the faces of the broken. I am blessed to have met those that God's heart so clearly cares for. I am blessed to know the responsibility of loving the world. I am blessed to have felt the difficulty of following the Lord, even in a small way.
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| Ayu and Geisha, a mother and daughter that I befriended |
I'm grateful that I have walked down the roads that I have. I'm grateful that the Lord chose me for this, and now that I have seen, I am responsible. I am responsible to share with others. I am responsible to pray. I am responsible to give. I am responsible to go. I accept this with JOY because the Lord chose me for it. He called me to it. There are always going to be bumps in the road, and its not going to be any easy one to take, but I know that its worth it. Following the Lord is worth all the hard. Seeing people come to Jesus is worth it. I have a gift that this world needs to know about: redemption. freedom. I am responsible to take these gifts and let others know about them. And even though the past months were hard, I can say that they were worth it, and I will do it again.
For those who have seen, DO NOT FORGET. I beg of you to remember each day the faces you saw and the lives that touched yours. Remember the brokenness and seek what the Lord has called you to do about it. Stand in the gap for those people and lift them up to their ultimate Redeemer. For those who haven't yet seen, look for it. Brokenness, injustice, poverty, its all around us. Yes it may be more obvious in other parts of the world, but I'm positive that if you look hard enough you will find it. Then you too will be responsible, and you will be blessed with seeing a part of God's heart that is unique to those whom injustice expounds upon.